The soul within

On my trip i took sometime off to myself. Took a walk alone. Yes ALONE. No guards :p. Had my mp3 player on. Was walking past Abdullah Shah Ghazi's mazar. I don't know if you know who he is. Frankly I don't know either. I just know he was considered to be a muslim aalim. Its right next to the sea side in clifton, Karachi.

I thought of going inside. But stopped because of the large number of people already there. Not like i believe in mazars. I just wanted to go there once. Because i was free. I was independent in Pakistan for ONCE!

I quit the idea. Took a walk on sea view. All by myself. And for the first time EVER. I just had this feeling that something was missing. It was the absence of faith. I don't pray. I don't do a lot of things that Islam teaches us. Allhamdullilah i try not to do anything Haram either. And as far as i can remember i haven't done anything considered haram. Except cheating in my exam and listening to music :p. Anyway. I just realised. I've been gifted with so many things Allhamdullilah. I work for one of the largest firms. I get paid more than most other people at my level would. I have a decent car to drive. I have a house i can stay in. I can go to pakistan every now and then. I can afford a new cell phone. I can afford a new mp3 player. And yet all i do is thank Allah just by saying Allhamdullilah and not praying in turn. I looked at the people around me. People who sell food on the sea view. They can hardly afford food for their family. They live in deep poverty. Yet they would pray and thank Allah for everything they have got. Besides. I belong to a religous family. People who pray 5 times a day and read the Quran often. People who try and practice religion as much as they can. All of these thoughts just came rushing to me then. And i had this strange question in my head. Why can't i just devote 10 minutes to Allah and do what he wants me to do. He's my final judge. If i can't please him. I fail. Whatever I am, we are is because of him. Because he made us fortunate enough to live these luxuries and enjoy the virtual world. I'm gonna try and return to my religion. And InshAllah i will. That is the ultimate soul search. Thats the answer to all your questions.

I know its kinda contradicting. Music and Islam. But i was listening to hamds. I don't know if they are to be termed Hamds because they have music. But yeah it was all about praising Lord.

I still need to get my basics right. I need to know a lot. I need to learn a lot. But i'm gonna start and i hope it works. InshAllah :)

The Trip

So I'm back from Pakistan just a few hours ago. Short trip. Just 2 days. It was hectic. Very hectic. But it was fun at the same time. Its nostalgic now. I just love Pakistan. Its home. Its my home. I have a family there. My 1st cousins have always been like my family. Specially khala's sons. We've been so close always allhamdullilah. Been like blood brothers always. Despite most of them being at least 6 - 12 years older than me. They're married. They work for big companies. But we're still so close Allahamdullilah. I love the closeness. And this post would all boast about that :p. I just miss those people so much whenever i come back here. Because of the time i have with those people. And by time i don't mean the time spent going out having fun or anything. But the time spent at home. I don't have to go out for fun. I can just put out all my problems when i'm with them and i feel light. They know me inside out. They're involved in every decision i take. Yes they're my life.

Etihad Airways almost made me miss my flight. They had the wrong residence location on my system. So that made it kinda difficult to make it on time but they covered it up. I got on the flight. I got the ticket on the last moment. Adeel bhai's games. Heh when i go to pakistan. Almost everyone related to the Civil Aviation knows I'm coming. He gets me a booking (on business class :p). He arranges everything at the airport. So I'm the first person to come out of the airport on that flight. He arranges a vip escort :p. My immigration is done before i even reach the counter practically. I love adeel bhai's contacts. He's got a person for everything. It helps to be the CEO of a PR firm :p. And be backed politically.

I get so many things done through him. Everything infact. I just have to tell him what to do and he does the rest. And no i don't have to ask him. Not that i'm not courteous. He is my elder bro. So i tell him what i want. He's got a daughter. She just turned 2. She is mashAllah sooooo cute. I'll put some pictures up soon. She calls me 'wajoo chacha'.

I'm writing all of this because i miss them so much. All the time. Specially when i'm down. And i am down almost always. But this trip made me realise a lot of things. Regardless of the geographical distance we have between us. We're still ONE. They have always been around for me. Specially when i needed them this time. It is not just limited to happy moments. I love my family for all of this. I owe them a lot. I haven't done anything for them. Yet i've spent the best moments of my life with them.

The Blur Effect!

Don't ask me where i get my titles from. I just think them up. Randomly. They have nothing to do with my writing.

I'm DONE with my EXAMS. OVER! KHATAM! KHALAS! FINITO! The last sentence describes how relieved I am.

AND i got my new mp3 player. The iriver E10. Woohoo. I've been listening to a lot of music these days. Takes my mind off everything else. Specially if its trance! I wish i could drum though. Jobin's here. I shall do that shortly :D. Music is so soothing these days. I just get lost in my own world listening to music. And no saad there is no girl with me :p. Its just me and my wild imagination.

I saw the new James Bond movie. The Casino Royale. Most of the movie flew right by me. I dont know how you play poker. So i never got to know how anyone won the game :p. I didn't really find the movie all THAT great. I mean its ok. The new bond might be nice. He sleeps with most women he meets. And he has a heart re-starter in his dashboard. But thats all he got. I mean in the initial scene. The african guy was a lot more talented than this guy in terms of jumping around :p. So our African Bond Bhai was better than the angrez Bond. Which is simply why he killed him. Poor guy. But the movie was OKAAAYYY!!!

I went to work yesterday. Exams over. Back to the workplace. Sorted out the few review points the manager had raised. Surprisingly my Dubai Work didn't have any review points. Saad and Haider would know how surprising that is :p. They were ALL CLEAR. And i didnt ... (Corny Joke in my mind. But I'd pass :p).

I've got friends coming over from all around the globe. Australia, Canada, United Kingdom (in Alphabetical Order) :p. So this December is gonna be fun. Except for the fact that December - March is the time where we get our butts squeezed at work.

I've heard DJ KV is about to perform here soon. Like a major show. I hope i can go. For all those of you who don't know who he is - www.djkv.com - Our local DJ. This dude is amazing. I just hope i could go to see Dj Tiesto sometime. That guy is the DJ. the aba of all the djs. And he is Al Good. yes. THE GOOD :p.

Ok. I've wrote enough bullshit. Give me sometime. I'll come up with better writings. That don't sound stupid. I've begun hating myself :s. Dayem.

I gotta go people. Got guests over at my place. Have Fun. Keep commenting. I'm advertising myself. I'm upfor sale :p

aaj ke halaat

I'm over with the tougher exams now. The assurance paper was fairly ok. I hope the examiners think the same way. Usually our thoughts dont seem to match. Got another paper next afternoon. This sucks. Havent slept properly for the past 2 days. Practically living off red bull.

Looking at the brighter side, I'm away from work :p. Takes a lot of pressure off my mind.

Other things are ok. Except the fact that Ms X is still very upset and low. I still can't actually help her. I want to. But i guess i'm not doing enough. I think i'll devote all my time to her once I'm done with my exams. Or at least till the time she can stand me :p. Its disappointing to see her this way.

We went out to this 'oh so awesome shawarma restaurant' recommended by Saad. Apparently, Saad already had his lunch. Me and haider did not have anything since morning. The restaurant didn't serve shawarmas to begin with. The soup was awful. So awful I left half of it. And i love soups. It tasted somewhat like chicken mixed with creek water. Ouch! The sheesh tawouk was a chicken without any flavour. -1 reputation score for saads word from now :p.

We met up with one of my friends for a few mintues. He asked Saad to grow up :p. Something I've been asking Saad to do for a long time now.

Friends from Canada/USA/Australia coming here around next week. Lots of people would be here. Should be fun. Hope things are smooth by then. But i'm relying on those times to feel happy already :p. Ahh i'm sick. I need to get a life. From Virgin megastore. For Aed 2200.

Anyway. thats all thats happened and is happening and will happen.
Shit I talk a lot. I should stop.

*zips*

The restrained bark

I don't know where to begin this from but lifes just been taking unindicated turns around. So I'm just gonna start and keep deflecting as i feel like.

• I woke up this morning.
• Call from my incharge
• He wanted me to work even though i was on leave
• I declined
• Things got serious
• Heated Arguments
• I showed up at work
• Heated Arguments again
• I left
• He filed a complaint

That is how practically how half of my day went by. I've been having problems at work; specially with this guy for the past sometime now. Apparently he doesnt love me so much. I don't either. But I'm justified. He has begun to hate everything I do. Except for my breathing process and my dressing, nothing seems acceptable to him. So I'm probably going to end up in deep shit. I just hope my managers support me. Which they have assured me to. Work politics suck. I always knew about this. Never knew it could grow so bad. I dread to go to work these days. Curse myself for working so early in my age. Its because we (most collegaues) are so demotivated that we don't feel like working. First thing that comes to mind when i wake up and have to go to work - SHIT NO!

Yes so thats how bad it has got for me through the first year of my worklife. I wish i was a lot more straight forward though. This should have happened earlier. I feel good for standing up for something I'm entitled to.

Apart from my workplace. I've got quite a few other things going on.

I got exams this week. Barely 2 weeks left. I hope they go well. I'm not even gonna talk about how unprepared I am.

I've broken up. If that is a word. And if you understand what i mean. Its affecting me so bad. I didn't know it would be hit me so bad. As much as i try and avoid thoughts, they still keep coming back. Somewhere, with something i do, I just get reminded of things. That time was wonderful though. I wanna get back to that life. Its just so lonely. I'm not complaining. Maybe I am. Maybe i'm just whining because I'm single. Again. But its more than that. I shouldn't have jumped into this shit. Maybe I wasn't ready. Maybe she wasn't. Who knows. Its gone now anyway. It just wasnt the right time.

My best friend has her share of problems. Worst part is, I can't even solve them. I'm so helpless. She's always been around for me. She still is. But she is a lot mature than I am. I can't even convince her to get her life straight. Even though I want to. All i can do is talk to her as much as I can. I try to all the time. I don't think she deserved all this. But people can get unrealistic (yes i know what i'm saying). I wish i could somehow sort all of her problems rightaway. She seems so down. She's been a major backing all my life. It hurts if I can't be there for her as much as I should be. It hurts to see her down.

I'm just away from everything. Away from most of my friends. I just feel like being left alone. I need a break. Need a break from everything i do. Maybe its asking for too much. But it would definitely help straighten my life. At least a bit. I just wanna be suspended. In mid air. With all the peace and calm i could get.

I think i've whined a lot for today. I had to. Had to just lay it off. I'm sorry for not being as entertaining as you would have expected me to be.

I am Here!

I wonder why i'm here. Maybe because of LuDa. Not like he asked me to be here. He knows my writing sucks. But his writing just inspires me. Actually everything he does inspires me. But ahh anyway. I'll try to jot down the events taking place in my life (which i'm sure you don't really care about - but i'd still do it - for the heck of it). See my blog page later.

P.S - The above post was done in a bad mood. Forgive me if you have to.