The soul within

On my trip i took sometime off to myself. Took a walk alone. Yes ALONE. No guards :p. Had my mp3 player on. Was walking past Abdullah Shah Ghazi's mazar. I don't know if you know who he is. Frankly I don't know either. I just know he was considered to be a muslim aalim. Its right next to the sea side in clifton, Karachi.

I thought of going inside. But stopped because of the large number of people already there. Not like i believe in mazars. I just wanted to go there once. Because i was free. I was independent in Pakistan for ONCE!

I quit the idea. Took a walk on sea view. All by myself. And for the first time EVER. I just had this feeling that something was missing. It was the absence of faith. I don't pray. I don't do a lot of things that Islam teaches us. Allhamdullilah i try not to do anything Haram either. And as far as i can remember i haven't done anything considered haram. Except cheating in my exam and listening to music :p. Anyway. I just realised. I've been gifted with so many things Allhamdullilah. I work for one of the largest firms. I get paid more than most other people at my level would. I have a decent car to drive. I have a house i can stay in. I can go to pakistan every now and then. I can afford a new cell phone. I can afford a new mp3 player. And yet all i do is thank Allah just by saying Allhamdullilah and not praying in turn. I looked at the people around me. People who sell food on the sea view. They can hardly afford food for their family. They live in deep poverty. Yet they would pray and thank Allah for everything they have got. Besides. I belong to a religous family. People who pray 5 times a day and read the Quran often. People who try and practice religion as much as they can. All of these thoughts just came rushing to me then. And i had this strange question in my head. Why can't i just devote 10 minutes to Allah and do what he wants me to do. He's my final judge. If i can't please him. I fail. Whatever I am, we are is because of him. Because he made us fortunate enough to live these luxuries and enjoy the virtual world. I'm gonna try and return to my religion. And InshAllah i will. That is the ultimate soul search. Thats the answer to all your questions.

I know its kinda contradicting. Music and Islam. But i was listening to hamds. I don't know if they are to be termed Hamds because they have music. But yeah it was all about praising Lord.

I still need to get my basics right. I need to know a lot. I need to learn a lot. But i'm gonna start and i hope it works. InshAllah :)